{"id":45814,"date":"2019-03-07T13:26:00","date_gmt":"2019-03-07T13:26:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.documentaria.ro\/content\/?p=45814"},"modified":"2019-03-26T11:06:19","modified_gmt":"2019-03-26T11:06:19","slug":"erau-si-ei-tineri-20-documentaria","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.documentaria.ro\/content\/archives\/45814","title":{"rendered":"ERAU \u0218I EI TINERI 20 \/ DOCUMENTARIA"},"content":{"rendered":"

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ERAU \u0218I EI TINERI<\/span><\/h2>\n
fotografii \u0219i interviu de Andrei Pungovschi<\/span><\/h5>\n

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Dac\u0103 ai sta de vorb\u0103 cu p\u0103rin\u021bii\u00a0t\u0103i tineri, ce ai schimba la cum te-au crescut?<\/em><\/p>\n

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Elena, 36 de ani, artist interpret. Bucure\u0219ti,\u00a0februarie 2019.<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

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\u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, m-a\u0219 \u00eentreba dac\u0103 a\u0219 vrea cu adev\u0103rat s\u0103 am copii. M-a\u0219 g\u00e2ndi dac\u0103 m-a\u0219 alinia cu ideea de a avea copii, s\u0103 m\u0103 aliniez cu societatea. M-a\u0219 \u00eentreba ce a\u0219 putea s\u0103 le ofer din bog\u0103\u021bia mea interioar\u0103, din experien\u021ba mea de via\u021b\u0103 \u0219i dac\u0103 a\u0219 fi preg\u0103tit cu adev\u0103rat s\u0103 renun\u021b, pentru c\u0103 meseria de p\u0103rinte, p\u00e2n\u0103 la o anumit\u0103 v\u00e2rst\u0103 a copilului, este o renun\u021bare la tine. <\/span><\/p>\n

A\u0219 renun\u021ba la a m\u0103 r\u0103zbuna pe copiii mei pentru nereu\u0219itele mele de zi cu zi. Ei \u0219i-au dat seama c\u0103 meseria asta de p\u0103rinte nu e chiar a\u0219a u\u0219oar\u0103. \u0218i atunci ei au \u00eenceput s\u0103 se r\u0103zbune pe noi. Ne comparau foarte frecvent cu cei din jur. Noi niciodat\u0103 nu eram buni. De cele mai multe ori al\u021bii erau mai buni. Al\u021bii erau mai de\u0219tep\u021bi, al\u021bii erau mai frumo\u0219i. Eu nu-mi aduc aminte s\u0103 fi avut vreun feedback pozitiv de la tata vreodat\u0103. Indiferent c\u00e2t de bine a\u0219 fi f\u0103cut un lucru. Am ajuns mai t\u00e2rziu s\u0103 fiu o perfec\u021bionist\u0103, doar ca s\u0103-mi spun\u0103 \u0219i mie cineva \u201dBravo!\u201d. Mama mea a fost o victim\u0103 colateral\u0103 \u0219i ea, pentru c\u0103 a tr\u0103it \u00een fric\u0103 \u0219i stres. Mi-aduc aminte c\u0103 a avut o tentativ\u0103 s\u0103 se despart\u0103 de el c\u00e2nd eram noi foarte mici, dar i-a e\u0219uat. <\/span><\/p>\n

B\u0103t\u0103ile erau foarte frecvente. B\u0103t\u0103i cum nu po\u021bi s\u0103-\u021bi imaginezi. Cu cureaua de la pantaloni, cu furtunul de la ma\u0219ina de sp\u0103lat Albalux, cu papucul, cu orice \u00eei venea \u00een m\u00e2n\u0103. Era o furie nebun\u0103, greu de descris \u00een cuvinte. Tat\u0103l meu f\u0103cea asta. \u0218i mama f\u0103cea acela\u0219i lucru ca s\u0103 se \u00eencadreze \u0219i, probabil, ca s\u0103 nu-l piard\u0103. \u021ain minte c\u0103 am venit \u00een clasa I cu p\u0103duchi acas\u0103 \u0219i atunci a urmat pedeapsa. Prima de la mama \u0219i a doua de la tata. Prima pedeaps\u0103 am primit-o c\u00e2nd am venit de la \u0219coal\u0103 pe la ora 15, iar a doua pe la 22 c\u00e2nd a venit tata de la serviciu. B\u0103taie. \u0218i acum am semne pe mine. Semnele de pe corpul meu sunt dovada clar\u0103 c\u0103 aceste agresiuni fizice au existat. Pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 aceste agresiuni fizice, adormeam aproape \u00een fiecare sear\u0103 \u00eentr-o moral\u0103 din asta f\u0103r\u0103 de sf\u00e2r\u0219it, \u00een care ni se spunea c\u00e2t de buni sunt ceilal\u021bi, c\u00e2t de pro\u0219ti suntem noi, c\u0103 noi nu vom reu\u0219i niciodat\u0103, c\u0103 ei nu sunt mul\u021bumi\u021bi de noi, c\u0103 el nu e mul\u021bumit nici de mama, nici de noi, c\u0103 i-am distrus via\u021ba. Asta se \u00eent\u00e2mpla aproape sear\u0103 de sear\u0103 timp de 15-16 ani, c\u00e2t pot eu s\u0103-mi aduc aminte.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nu-mi aduc aminte s\u0103 m\u0103 fi luat \u00een bra\u021be vreodat\u0103. Eu nu am o amintire cu tata, niciodat\u0103, \u0219i dac\u0103 m-a\u0219 chinui s\u0103-i g\u0103sesc cele mai frumoase puncte din via\u021ba lui, nu am o amintire de care s\u0103 \u0219tiu, \u00een care s\u0103 zic \u201dUite, cu ocazia x, tata m-a luat \u00een bra\u021be, m-a felicitat, m-a dr\u0103g\u0103lit ca pe un copil.\u201d \u0218i nici din partea mamei. Nu \u0219tiu ce-nseamn\u0103 m\u00e2ng\u00e2ierea p\u0103rinteasc\u0103, nu am nicio amintire de genul \u0103sta. <\/span><\/p>\n

Am fost for\u021bat\u0103 practic s\u0103 m\u0103 maturizez \u00eenainte de vreme. Nu pot s\u0103 afirm c\u0103 eu \u00een via\u021ba asta am tr\u0103it o copil\u0103rie cu adev\u0103rat. \u00cen care s\u0103 m\u0103 joc, \u00een care s\u0103-mi fie totul bine. Poate la \u0219coal\u0103. Dar \u00een rest aveam foarte multe sarcini de dus la \u00eendeplinire. De sp\u0103lat rufele la m\u00e2n\u0103 dup\u0103 cinci persoane, asta \u00eencep\u00e2nd de la lenjerii, prosoape, orice are o cas\u0103. Se t\u0103iau porcii de Cr\u0103ciun, trebuia s\u0103 fac o treab\u0103 de adult: t\u0103iat carne, cur\u0103\u021bat ma\u021be etc. Toate astea au \u00eenceput c\u00e2nd aveam opt ani, dup\u0103 ce s-a n\u0103scut sora mea. Am inclusiv amintiri cu faptul c\u0103 sp\u0103lam pelinci. <\/span><\/p>\n

Am cutreierat mun\u021bii \u0103ia \u00een lung \u0219i-n lat ca s\u0103 nu mai v\u0103d \u0219i s\u0103 nu mai aud. M-am refugiat foarte mult \u00een natur\u0103 \u0219i am \u00eenceput s\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103\u021b despre plante, despre anotimpuri, despre orice alt lucru frumos care m\u0103 putea distrage de la toat\u0103 nebunia asta. \u021ain minte c\u0103 pl\u00e2ngeam destul de mult, nu prea mi-aduc aminte s\u0103 fi fost bucuroas\u0103 cu adev\u0103rat. Oric\u00e2t de mult a\u0219 vrea, chiar a\u0219 vrea s\u0103 g\u0103sesc o parte bun\u0103 \u00een toate astea, nu-mi aduc aminte. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nici n-am avut voie s\u0103 m\u0103 descop\u0103r ca femeie \u00een s\u00e2nul familiei mele. De exemplu, dac\u0103 \u00eemi f\u0103ceam unghiile cu oj\u0103, tata \u00eemi spunea: \u201dP\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd vin de la serviciu, unghiile tale trebuie s\u0103 fie \u0219terse \u0219i drept pedeaps\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 faci 20 de exerci\u021bii la matematic\u0103.\u201d El a\u0219a percepea, nu pot s\u0103-mi dau seama de ce. El nu vedea femeia \u00een niciun fel, habar n-am. Sau dac\u0103 m\u0103 fardam trebuia s\u0103 m\u0103 sp\u0103l, dac\u0103 m\u0103 tundeam pu\u021bin mai diferit, m\u0103 tundea mai scurt sau zero. N-a fost chiar zero, dar a fost cam periu\u021b\u0103 a\u0219a. La 13-14 ani. N-am avut voie nici s\u0103-mi descop\u0103r frumuse\u021bea, s\u0103-mi descop\u0103r corpul, s\u0103-mi exploatez feminitatea pu\u021bin. Mai t\u00e2rziu, c\u00e2nd am v\u0103zut toate agresiunile astea sexuale din partea societ\u0103\u021bii, am \u00eenceput s\u0103-mi neg frumuse\u021bea, elegan\u021ba \u0219i toate lucrurile astea \u0219i-mi d\u0103deam seama c\u0103 puteam s\u0103-mi pun \u0219i-un sac pe cap s\u0103 m-ascund, deci f\u0103ceam orice doar s\u0103-mi ascund feminitatea \u0219i a\u0219a mai departe \u0219i oricum tot mi se-nt\u00e2mpla. Am umblat foarte mult timp nemachiat\u0103, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-mi pun un decolteu sau ceva transparent. Din punctul \u0103sta de vedere chiar pot s\u0103 spun c\u0103 mi-am revenit. Merg \u021ban\u021bo\u0219\u0103 \u0219i lini\u0219tit\u0103 \u0219i mul\u021bumit\u0103.<\/span><\/p>\n

Plus abuzuri sexuale, \u00een prima parte a vie\u021bii, despre care am spus p\u0103rin\u021bilor \u0219i nu au avut niciun fel de reac\u021bie. Nu m-au \u00eentrebat nimic, nu au considerat c\u0103 este important. Singurul lucru pe care mi-l doream era s\u0103 treac\u0103 mai repede astea, s\u0103 m\u0103 fac mare, s\u0103 ajung la 18 ani \u0219i s\u0103 pot pleca de acolo. Eu credeam, \u00een mintea mea de atunci, c\u0103 \u00een momentul \u00een care voi pleca, toate lucrurile astea se vor termina. \u00cens\u0103 nu a fost a\u0219a. Tot felul de agresiuni minore au avut loc \u0219i pe zona asta de muzic\u0103, oriunde m\u0103 duceam cineva avea ceva de spus la capitolul \u0103sta, adic\u0103 mai puneau m\u00e2na pe fund, mai f\u0103ceau o apreciere mai pu\u021bin elegant\u0103, adic\u0103 m-a urm\u0103rit chestia asta. <\/span><\/p>\n

Mi-am dat seama acum doi sau trei ani c\u0103 practic m-am retras din via\u021ba public\u0103 din punctul \u0103sta de vedere pentru c\u0103 nu \u0219tiam cum s\u0103 mai reac\u021bionez la lucrul \u0103sta. \u0218i atunci a \u00eenceput propriu-zis momentul \u00een care chiar mi-am asumat c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 m\u0103 vindec de chestiile astea, am zis c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 m\u0103 ajute cineva. <\/span><\/p>\n

M\u0103 sperii mai rar \u00een momentul \u00een care cineva face o apreciere la adresa feminit\u0103\u021bii mele, am senza\u021bia c\u0103 vrea ceva de la mine. Uneori \u00een rela\u021biile de cuplu m\u0103 simt mai singur\u0103 dec\u00e2t ar trebui, dar cred c\u0103 \u00eencep s\u0103 v\u0103d o alt\u0103 dimensiune a acestui lucru. Mai ales c\u0103 am recunoscut de unde vine toat\u0103 problema asta. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nu m\u0103 v\u0103d o victim\u0103 \u00een toate astea, m\u0103 descop\u0103r acum, eu ca om, ca fiin\u021b\u0103, ca entitate, ca femeie altfel. Cu al\u021bi ochi, cu alt\u0103 minte. E adev\u0103rat c\u0103 \u00een parcursul \u0103sta al meu am r\u0103nit ni\u0219te persoane de l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-mi dau seama. De exemplu, un fost iubit, dac\u0103 era un pic mai ocupat cu jobul sau cu alte lucruri \u0219i nu-mi aloca aten\u021bia necesar\u0103 o lun\u0103, dou\u0103, r\u0103bufneam, pentru c\u0103 m\u0103 sim\u021beam abandonat\u0103, p\u0103r\u0103sit\u0103 sau singur\u0103. Mi-am dat seama clar c\u0103 \u00eentr-o rela\u021bie nu intri c\u00e2nd e\u0219ti pe zero din punctele astea de vedere. <\/span><\/p>\n

Acum pot s\u0103 spun c\u0103 m\u0103 tratez. M\u0103 bucur mult mai mult de mine, de prezen\u021ba mea \u00een solitudine. Nu vreau s\u0103 mai fac lucruri pe care s\u0103 le demonstrez societ\u0103\u021bii, p\u0103rin\u021bilor cu care oricum cred c\u0103 nu mai am nicio leg\u0103tur\u0103. Am observat ni\u0219te incompatibilit\u0103\u021bi clare. Oamenii trebuie s\u0103 vorbeasc\u0103, trebuie s\u0103 \u0219tim unii de al\u021bii, s\u0103 \u0219tim c\u0103 nu suntem singuri. Eu credeam c\u0103 sunt singur\u0103 \u00een zece ani de depresie. Nimeni n-a \u0219tiut despre depresia mea. Am ascuns-o c\u00e2t de mult am putut. Eu nu mai vreau s\u0103 fiu perfect\u0103. \u00cemi asum anumite gre\u0219eli, anumite erori, dar perfect\u0103 nu vreau s\u0103 mai fiu. \u0218i vreau ca lumea s\u0103 prind\u0103 curaj \u0219i oamenii care poate sunt \u00een situa\u021bii similare s\u0103-\u0219i dea seama c\u0103 exist\u0103 o cale pentru ei undeva. S\u0103 ne \u00eentreb\u0103m: \u201dVrem copii? De ce vrem copii, pentru c\u0103 a\u0219a face toat\u0103 lumea? Vrem copii ca s\u0103 avem cu ce s\u0103 ne l\u0103ud\u0103m \u00een societate? Vrem copii ca s\u0103-i umplem de targeturi \u0219i s\u0103 le facem via\u021ba un co\u0219mar sau vrem copii ca s\u0103-i iubim?\u201d Cred c\u0103 a\u0219 fi o mam\u0103 bun\u0103, dar a\u0219 vrea copii dup\u0103 ce m-a\u0219 sim\u021bi eu \u00eemplinit\u0103 cu mine. Dac\u0103 nu m\u0103 simt \u00eemplinit\u0103 cu mine, prefer s\u0103 nu. <\/span>[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space empty_h=”3″ mobile_visibility=”yes”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row row_height_percent=”0″ override_padding=”yes” h_padding=”2″ top_padding=”0″ bottom_padding=”5″ overlay_color=”color-xsdn” overlay_alpha=”90″ gutter_size=”3″ shift_y=”0″ row_name=”DESPRE AUTORI”][vc_column column_width_percent=”70″ overlay_alpha=”50″ gutter_size=”3″ medium_width=”0″ shift_x=”0″ shift_y=”0″ z_index=”0″ width=”1\/1″][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 dori\u021bi s\u0103 participa\u021bi la acest proiect,\u00a0scrie\u021bi un email la adresa andrei.pungovschi@gmail.com<\/a><\/span><\/h3>\n

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DESPRE AUTOR<\/span><\/h1>\n

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Andrei Pungovschi<\/strong> este fotojurnalist freelancer. \u00cen 2006 a petrecut un an la University of Missouri, unde a studiat fotojurnalism.\u00a0Din 2007 este fotograf colaborator al agen\u021biei France Presse \u00een Rom\u00e2nia. Este parte a echipei Dec\u00e2t O Revist\u0103 de la \u00eenceputul publica\u021biei, \u00een calitate de fotograf \u0219i editor foto.<\/p>\n

Imaginile sale au ap\u0103rut \u00een diverse publica\u021bii str\u0103ine, printre care The New York Times, The Guardian, S\u00fcddeutsche Zeitung, Esquire Romania, The Associated Press.\u00a0<\/span>Din 2007, a predat c\u00e2\u021biva ani fotojurnalism, sub forma unor cursuri la Centrul pentru Jurnalism Independent \u0219i Dec\u00e2t O Revist\u0103, sau a unor workshop-uri. <\/span>\u00cen 2011, a fost c\u00e2\u0219tig\u0103torul unei burse de la Funda\u021bia Rosalynn Carter, \u00een urma c\u0103reia a realizat un proiect despre costurile sociale ale anxiet\u0103\u021bii.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fotografiile sale au fost premiate la concursuri interna\u021bionale, printre care Pictures of The Year International, National Press Photographers Association, The Missouri Press Association, \u00een SUA, BursaPhotoFest \u00een Turcia.<\/span><\/p>\n

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ABONARE NEWSLETTER\u00a0<\/span><\/h1>\n

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